Blur everything

Since most of us are stupid and cannot decide what is good or bad for us, the all knowing benevolent Government has decided to step in

The Indian government is to outlaw all images of smoking in Bollywood films and television shows in a move praised by campaigners as a “sensible step” but attacked by film-makers as a curb on artistic freedom.
The ban, the most comprehensive of its kind in the world, will outlaw shots showing cigarette packs and advertising hoardings. Foreign movies and serials, increasingly popular especially when dubbed into local Indian languages, will have the offending images electronically blurred.[India to ban smoking in films and TV shows ]

So if James Bond is making love to a naked woman who is smoking, just the image of the cigarette will be blurred and that is the way it should be. Movies predating the ban are supposed to run a series of health warnings across the bottom of the screen. So when Shah Rukh Khan is about to beat up Amrish Puri, everything will pause and the hero, villain and sidekicks will wait till the health warnings flash below. This should heighten the tension in the scene.
Next the minister should ban guns. These can kill instantly and I don’t know why no one has campaigned against it. In predated movies, guns should be blurred. Some villains and sidekicks have bad teeth caused by paan chewing. Paan scenes should be banned. The entire song of Khaike Paan Banaraswala should be shown blurred. The word Paan should be bleeped. Did I forget to say this, a health warning should also be flashed. MNC products like Coke and Pepsi should only be shown blurred. Lassi can be shown un-blurred.
Most movies end in violence with one hero murdering lot of innocent sidekicks. This is not at all good. A sensible step would be to ban it, and predated movies will show it all blurred. With blurring you may think it is a porn movie, but hey it is a risk we have to take.
One of the essential scenes in a movie is a rain song and much water is wasted. The warning sign should be flashed before such scenes, so that residents of Chennai and Rajasthan do not attempt it at home, not to forget that the water should be blurred.
Ram Gopal Varma has been making many scary movies and it scares the bejeesus out of me. There should be a mandatory warning sign before each scare. If ghost like characters or Bobby Deol is in the movie, they should be blurred.
Finally with all this blurring, the only things that will remain unblurred are these. But they should not be banned since they cannot corrupt young minds.

5 thoughts on “Blur everything

  1. It drives me nuts that in our democracy, the government still makes laws like a monarchy – on the whims and fancies of lawmakers, instead of going by consensus and discussion. Did they even bother to find out if blurring cigarrettes is sensible in any way? It’s the most retarded law I can imagine! and to imagine that in our supposed democracy such laws will be passed without anyone standing up against it! Why would they.. after all there’s no votes to be gained by protesting this law is there? What about the law in Karnataka banning live music in bars (since they are morally corrupting), or the Mumbai dance bar ban… We still have a long way to go before we learn what democracy really means.

  2. Well I think your post this time makes no sense at all. I think this is one of the few times government has done anything good and hope you see it in positive light. Yeah at average we are fools. Why do you think number of people who are smoking is going up every day if we were a nation of very smart people knowing all the risks involved. Either stupid or suicidal ? Yes this kind of ads work where it is made cool for heroes to smoke and I think any government with two bits of concern about its citizens and guts to stand against big tobacco should be lauded and not ridiculed. I hope you start wearing your thinking cap again :).

  3. Smoking Shahrukh … no more!
    I watched Bunty aur Babli last night … Abhishek Bachchan smokes several times, even shares a beedi with Amitabh in the movie. Heck even Rani Mukherjee had a few puffs in the movie

  4. It will be interesting to see how Rajnikanth’s cigerrette acts are blurred. That would required some technology. The blur would have a tough time following the butt

  5. Smoking Ban: More Buffoonery
    When we’re bored with mainstream entertainment—movies and all–we get treated to real life entertainment, courtesy our leaders, the motors that run the nation, that decide what’s good and bad for us, and generally try to refine our tastes.
    And so t…

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